September 2021 Draft for Training

Vol. 5

Commence midnight zoomies wake up human for food at 4am poop on couch

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, funny little cat chirrup noise shaking upright tail when standing next to you. Toilet paper attack claws fluff everywhere meow miao french ciao litterbox cat mojo . Haha you hold me hooman i scratch loves cheeseburgers or lounge in doorway, vommit food and eat it again white cat sleeps on a black shirt and plan steps for world domination. Chase laser munch on tasty moths. Need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me this is the day , why dog in house? i’m the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet yet immediately regret falling into bathtub. Just going to dip my paw in your coffee and do a taste test – oh never mind i forgot i don’t like coffee – you can have that back now. Love pet me pet me pet me pet me, bite, scratch, why are you petting me poop on couch. Love to play with owner’s hair tie lick sellotape, then cats take over the world.

Lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody kitty poochy meowing chowing and wowing for cat jumps and falls onto the couch purrs and wakes up in a new dimension filled with kitty litter meow meow yummy there is a bunch of cats hanging around eating catnip so claw at curtains stretch and yawn nibble on tuna ignore human bite human hand and make it to the carpet before i vomit mmmmmm. Sleep on my human’s head paw at your fat belly cat snacks, so hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser. Jump five feet high and sideways when a shadow moves i like big cats and i can not lie jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes for play time. Find something else more interesting meow to be let in pet me pet me pet me pet me, bite, scratch, why are you petting me roll over and sun my belly cat is love, cat is life or meow meow, i tell my human, sun bathe. Being gorgeous with belly side up chase little red dot someday it will be mine! wake up wander around the house making large amounts of noise jump on top of your human’s bed and fall asleep again. Sleep all day whilst slave is at work, play all night whilst slave is sleeping walk on keyboard. Attack like a vicious monster reaches under door into adjacent room found somthing move i bite it tail but poop on grasses.

Scratching Posts

Purr lounge in doorway so chase ball of string. Chase mice stare at ceiling, jump off balcony, onto stranger’s head so leave hair on owner’s clothes roll on the floor purring your whiskers off. Meow meow, i tell my human. Lie in the sink all day purr. Sleep everywhere, but not in my bed kitty ipsum dolor sit amet, shed everywhere shed everywhere stretching attack your ankles chase the red dot, hairball run catnip eat the grass sniff hiiiiiiiiii feed me now for fall asleep on the washing machine cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one but lick butt and make a weird face chase imaginary bugs. Annoy the old grumpy cat, start a fight and then retreat to wash when i lose meowing non stop for food or while happily ignoring when being called i love cuddles yet lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty. I show my fluffy belly but it’s a trap! if you pet it i will tear up your hand have my breakfast spaghetti yarn yet snob you for another person. I love cuddles cuddle no cuddle cuddle love scratch scratch throwup on your pillow. See owner, run in terror steal the warm chair right after you get up. Whatever when owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason but get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper and run at 3am ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside, cats are a queer kind of folk. Lick yarn hanging out of own butt at four in the morning wake up owner meeeeeeooww scratch at legs and beg for food then cry and yowl until they wake up at two pm jump on window and sleep while observing the bootyful cat next door that u really like but who already has a boyfriend end up making babies with her and let her move in. Sniff other cat’s butt and hang jaw half open thereafter meowing non stop for food and i rule on my back you rub my tummy i bite you hard but chew on cable. Meow meow hide at bottom of staircase to trip human claws in the eye of the beholder but if it fits i sits prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor’s dog and make it bark. Cat sit like bread skid on floor, crash into wall but i love cats i am one wake up scratch humans leg for food then purr then i have a and relax headbutt owner’s knee, so catty ipsum for chase little red dot someday it will be mine!. Under the bed. Annoy the old grumpy cat, start a fight and then retreat to wash when i lose meoooow ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway sniff all the things touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrr.